


Let me tell you how I feel

by Jens



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Drunken Confessions, Getting Together, M/M, Pining, i'm bad at English, nonsense probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-14 14:37:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3414374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jens/pseuds/Jens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Another repost from FF.net because why not (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧<br/>Inspired by a song, Mitä kuuluu Marja-Leena by Leevi and the Leavings. I recommend checking it out (its in Finnish though).<br/>I originally wrote this about two years ago and just edited it a little for reposting purposes, I'm sorry for any mistakes there might be (I try to proofread but English isn't my first language so you know, stuff happens).</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another repost from FF.net because why not (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧  
> Inspired by a song, Mitä kuuluu Marja-Leena by Leevi and the Leavings. I recommend checking it out (its in Finnish though).  
> I originally wrote this about two years ago and just edited it a little for reposting purposes, I'm sorry for any mistakes there might be (I try to proofread but English isn't my first language so you know, stuff happens).

Aomine still knows the number by heart. It never fails to astonish him that Kise hasn’t changed his number even after ten years but it’s not like he’s complaining. Quite the opposite, actually, since it means he has means of getting in touch with the blond.

Most of the time Aomine doesn’t want to get in touch with Kise, though. It’s not like he’d have much to say anyway. But… there are things he regrets not having told Kise during their Teikou days. Sure, they could’ve talked when they were in high school; even if they didn’t go to the same school, they still saw each other. But Aomine was a coward in high school.

Tonight, however, he has confidence. It’s been a long time since he’s last contacted Kise but in the afternoon, he came across a picture of Kise, cut off from some magazine the blond had been featured in during his modelling days. Staring at the picture, all the memories and feelings came flooding back to Aomine and he needed a drink. Or two. Or maybe three would do the trick. A fourth or fifth couldn’t hurt either…

And so by midnight he’s totally wasted, his fingers gliding over his phone, pressing buttons, dialling the idiot’s number. It takes him about an hour and two more cans of beer to be able to press ‘call’.

Aomine nearly forgets how to breathe as he waits, each beep of the phone making him more nervous until –

“…hello? Who is this?” Kise’s voice is sleepy and a little annoyed.

An irrational wave of anger washes over Aomine upon hearing the other’s words. Kise doesn’t have his number saved in his phone, otherwise he’d know it’s Aomine. Then he remembers he doesn’t have Kise’s number in his phone’s memory either (he doesn’t need it since he knows it by heart) and calms down a little.

“It’s Aomine.”

“Eh? Aominecchi? Why do you have my number?”

Hearing that ridiculous (perfect, adorable) nickname should not make him this happy, he’s a grown man for crying out loud, but Aomine feels a little like he’s floating anyway. Or maybe it’s the alcohol.

“You’ve had the same number since middle school, idiot. Anyways…” Aomine needs to take a little break to stop his words from getting slurred. Yeah, definitely the alcohol. “Hey, d’you still like that stupid band? What was the name again? The one you always talked about when we were in Teikou… remember?”

“…why are you asking me that, Aominecchi?”

“I remember lots of other things about you, Kise. The bands you like, your favourite foods, which books you love, all kinds of things.”

“I still don’t get why you had to call me in the middle of the night-”

“Oh, and I still remember every time you had a girlfriend.” Aomine interrupts Kise with malice in his voice. His jealousy is irrational and misplaced, he knows that even if he’s drunk, but he can’t help it. He always felt like dying when Kise had a girlfriend and it’s only right Kise finds out what he does to Aomine.

“…hey, are you drunk?”

“Never mind that! You wanna know why I called you in the middle of the night, right? Well here’s why: I just wanted to let you know that I loved you in middle school and in high school and every day after that! I mean – what I’m tryin’ to say here is that I still love you!”

Silence. Aomine starts to panic.

“Kise, please, I love you so much… I wish we could see each other more often… I still love you. Just, please, ‘m not saying this just because I’m drunk. I really do love you.”

_Click._

Aomine stares at his wall with empty eyes as he listens to the dial tone.

 

* * *

 

When Aomine wakes up the next day, he feels like crap. Not only because he has what feels like the mother of all hangovers, but also because he still remembers the phone call with Kise.

Way more vividly than he would like to, even.

Especially clear is the memory of the dial tone beeping loudly in his ear as he mutters incoherent love confessions to the dead line and sobs.

What a royal fuck up of a confession.

Aomine spends half of the day in the bathroom, first throwing up and then just sitting on the cold floor, trying to gather strength to start getting over his ten-year crush on Kise. This definitely isn’t the way he wanted it to end but now that it’s come to this, he has to let go, right? Hanging onto his affection after last night would be – something really lame and pathetic, Aomine’s head isn’t working so well so he can’t find the words.

Ugh, he kind of wants to die.

At around 5 pm Aomine’s phone beeps. He gets up sluggishly and walks to the bedroom to retrieve his phone.

New message. Huh. No one ever sends him messages; if they want to get in touch, they call.

He opens the message with no real interest. When he reads it, however, his eyes go impossibly wide and his jaw drops in surprise.

_I was really surprised when Aominecchi called me last night but I’m also glad you did._

_Back in Teikou, Momocchi always hinted at you not being interested in only girls but I didn’t believe her. Back then it didn’t really matter to me._

_When I saw you after going to different high schools, though, I started thinking it’d be nice if you did like guys, too… or at least me. But you never seemed interested so I let it drop as well. And honestly I haven’t even thought about you that much since then._

_But… if it really wasn’t just the alcohol talking and you actually do like me, I think we should meet. It might not work out but I’m single and I’m guessing you are too so it wouldn’t hurt to try._

_Haha, I feel kind of nervous writing this._

_Kise_

Aomine can’t believe his eyes. Kise, _his_ Kise, the one he’s been hopelessly in love with for _ten bloody years_ , might actually become his? Heck, if Aomine’d known that Kise might be interested, he would’ve done this earlier.

(Maybe without the alcohol though because _ow his head_.)

With shaky hands Aomine writes a reply.

_Tell me when and where and I’ll be there._


	2. Chapter 2

Momoi laughs at Aomine when he tells her about the phone call with Kise.

“You do know there are about a thousand better ways to confess, don’t you, Dai-chan?”

He reaches over the table to swat her head lightly. “Oh shut up Satsuki. I know I could’ve done it better but I didn’t and that’s that.”

“Don’t be mad! You know I’ve been rooting for you ever since I found out about your feelings for Ki-chan so I’ll be really happy if it works out. I’m just a bit surprised that you still have those feelings for him – and wait, didn’t you tell me once that you’d never tell him?”

“That was back in high school, I was way too young to have the balls to confess! But we’re older now so it’s different.” He scratches his head, suddenly embarrassed. “Although the alcohol kinda made it easier too…”

Momoi chuckles warmly at Aomine’s words. “I really do hope it works out, Dai-chan.”

“…yeah, me too.”

 

* * *

 

Aomine discovers that it’s surprisingly easy to talk to Kise, even if they haven’t seen each other in years. The blond’s just as talkative and bubbly as ever and Aomine finds himself just listening to Kise’s, not really even caring what he’s saying (something about the flight he’s just come back from; it seems Kise’s become a pilot during the time they haven’t kept in touch).

Kise’s even more attractive than Aomine remembered. Or maybe he’s gotten more attractive since they last saw each other, Aomine can’t say for sure. Be as it may, he’s so happy it feels unreal.

 “Kise, I love you.”

_Oh shit why the fuck did I say that._ The words just fall out of his mouth before his brain catches up. For a moment he sits in horror and fears Kise will leave, completely forgetting that Kise’s already heard him confess. Then a hesitant smile lights the blond’s face.

“You’re sober this time, right?”

Aomine grunts, trying to hide the fact that he’s about to have a nervous breakdown. “Have you seen me drink something with alcohol in it?”

Kise laughs nervously. “No but… maybe you drank something before we met up?”

“As if. Is it that hard for you to accept that I’m serious about liking you?”

Kise lowers his head so his hair falls on his face, effectively hiding his expression from Aomine’s eyes. A somewhat awkward silence falls between the two men. Kise starts playing with his hair, wrapping a golden strand around a slender finger; Aomine can’t help but stare and start to question his life choices.

_He’s just playing with his hair, why is it so arousing?!_

“Go out with me, then.”

Kise raises his head, meeting Aomine’s gaze again. He has a faint blush on his cheeks but his eyes are filled with determination. And that’s how Aomine knows he isn’t being made fun of, that Kise is _serious_ and surely he has to be the luckiest man on earth just for being the one Kise Ryouta, ex-model and the hottest person the world has ever seen, chooses as his lover. It might be just curiosity on Kise’s part but Aomine’s willing to take any chance he can get, not caring if it makes him desperate or not.

(It definitely does; he might get really hurt in the process if Kise decides that being with Aomine isn’t what he wants after all, and what if Kise starts liking someone else, or it doesn’t work out at all – ignoring all the ways this could go wrong just for the slight chance of finding happiness with Kise makes him _pathetic_.)

But he doesn’t care about any of that.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say something like that.” _Oh damn._ Aomine curses himself to the lowest pit of hell for saying something like that out loud. _What am I, a character from some cheesy soap opera?_

For a moment Kise looks confused but then he bursts into laughter.

Be damned if it isn’t the prettiest sound Aomine’s ever heard.

 

* * *

 

Being able to refer to Kise as his lover or boyfriend is enough to make Aomine feel ridiculously happy every day. He still can’t quite wrap his head around the fact that Kise’s right there, within kissing distance most of the time, after so many years of not so much as an occasional text message or email.

Kise, on the other hand, seems to enjoy his time with Aomine. He turns out to be very fond of cuddling, kissing and just being close to each other. Which Aomine has nothing against, of course. The only thing that bothers him is that Kise doesn’t seem to want anything more than just that perfectly innocent closeness.

They’ve been dating for almost a month and the furthest they’ve gone is a little touching – with clothes on. Their schedules are hard to fit together so Kise rarely spends the night, and even when he does, they don’t always sleep in the same bed. As sexually deprived as he is, Aomine has no choice but to rely on his hand because the last thing he wants to do is forcing Kise into doing something he’s not ready for and drive him away.

Even so, Aomine’s life is pretty damn perfect. Sure, it would be even better if he got to have sex with Kise but he’d rather not think about that. He’s fine because Kise’s right there next to him and isn’t going to go anywhere. They have all the time in the world so there’s no need to rush to take their relationship to the next level.

But then again, what if there’s never going to be a ‘next level’? What if they’ll always be lovers who just kiss and cuddle? Aomine can’t ignore the possibility of Kise being one of those people who just don’t want to have sex (although Aomine has no idea how someone could not want to have sex with someone they love). And if it indeed turns out that Kise’ll never want to sleep with him…

Wow, talk about bittersweet. The only person Aomine truly wants to hold right there, so close yet so far, a feast for his eyes only.

He feels that it’s a conversation he needs to have with Kise at some point but he’s scared. Hearing Kise say that he doesn’t want to sleep with Aomine would make it so final, so irreversible, and Aomine doesn’t think he’s quite ready for that just yet.

But really, when he thinks about it, he doesn’t want to break up with Kise. No matter where their relationship goes, even if this is the extent of it, being with Kise is much more important than getting laid. And as he comes to that realisation he understands how hard he’s fallen for Kise; 15-year-old Aomine would never have wanted to date Kise if there wasn’t the prospect of sex.

(So much so that high school Aomine thought losing his virginity was way more important than acting upon his feelings for Kise.)

 

* * *

 

One day it just happens. Aomine’s over at Kise’s place for a change and they’re watching some stupid romantic drama that Kise insisted on seeing. At first Aomine tried to pretend to be interested in the movie but for almost 20 minutes now the only thing he has really paid attention to is the fact that Kise’s sitting really close to him.

Tentatively, Aomine reaches out his arm so that it’s resting on the back of the couch and then, slowly, moves to wrap it around Kise. The blond startles but doesn’t push him away. Quite the opposite, actually; he snuggles a little closer still to Aomine and leans his head against his shoulder.

Damn, Kise’s neck is so temptingly close.

Swallowing hard, Aomine turns his gaze to the television. Some woman is crying and apologising for making a mistake and some other usual crap like that. The woman’s not beautiful at all and Kise’s shampoo has a distractingly sweet scent…

Aomine can’t help himself. He pulls Kise to face him and kisses him before he gets a chance to complain about being distracted.

The film is quickly forgotten as Kise kisses back very eagerly. For a while all the do is simply press their lips together and enjoy each other’s warmth. Then, Kise suddenly pushes Aomine back so that he can straddle him. Aomine is caught by surprise but when he opens his mouth to protest, Kise slips him tongue, effectively silencing him again.

_If I died tomorrow, I’d have no regrets_ , Aomine thinks as he runs his fingers through Kise soft hair. Kise leans even closer, his chest pressing against Aomine’s and _oh wow_ something hard’s poking Aomine’s stomach.

It would be so easy to just let it happen; if the way Kise’s sliding his hand into Aomine’s pants is anything to go by, he’s clearly willing to go further than before, maybe even all the way. But the responsible part of Aomine’s brain tells him that would be wrong.

He doesn’t want to sleep with Kise before he’s sure Kise loves him back.

After all, sex without feelings is dull and empty. That’s something Aomine’s realised on multiple occasions during the past ten years. A teen ager’s sex drive combined with an unrequited love is the worst thing he’s ever experienced – or maybe the countless times he accidentally called out Kise’s name while fucking someone else – or maybe the whole ten-year one-sided love was –

One thing Aomine knows for sure is that if Kise were to sleep with him and then leave him because it doesn’t satisfy him, he wouldn’t be able to recover from it. Ever.

“Kise… stop.” It’s really difficult to ask Kise to stop when he’s sitting on Aomine’s hips, hand exploring the inside of his underwear now, and practically grinding against him.

He manages to get the words out nonetheless, grabbing Kise’s wrist for emphasis, and Kise does stop. He shoots a puzzled look at Aomine. “Why? Don’t you want to do this, Aominecchi?”

Oh god yes he does, more than anything.

“I do but isn’t it a bit weird for you? I mean a month ago you barely rehappens on a couchmembered I existed until I made that stupid drunken phone call and now, you’re sitting in my lap, and... doing stuff with me? I’m just a little overwhelmed by this all.” Aomine lets go of Kise’s wrist to bury his face in his hands.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that… I didn’t ever really believe that you’d be mine… so now that you are, I don’t have the faintest clue about what to do.”

Silence. Aomine can still feel Kise’s weight on his lap which makes him relieved; he’s too scared to look at the other man to make sure he’s not going anywhere. After a moment of total stillness gentle fingers pry Aomine’s hands off his face and he finds himself staring at a very serious Kise.

“I love you, Aominecchi. I might not have been in love with you for the last ten years but I do love you now… isn’t that enough?”

For a few seconds Aomine’s brain refuses to work and process Kise’s words. But then the realisation sinks in, and Aomine blushes. Fiercely, at that.

Because wow. It’s an actual love confession from the only person he’s ever wanted to hear such words from.

This might just be the thing that makes Aomine’s life perfect. He almost feels like crying, that’s how happy he is. But crying isn’t his style so instead he opts to drown Kise with kisses on his lips, cheeks, forehead, neck, anywhere he can reach. Kise giggles and squirms under Aomine’s touch, his slender fingers once more finding their way inside Aomine’s pants and wrapping around his erection.

“So… you wanna do it?” Kise clearly needs to get a verbal consent from Aomine before going further so Aomine replies with a hoarse ‘just do it already’ which makes Kise smirk.

As unromantic as it is, Aomine’s first time with the person he loves takes place on a couch.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna publish this earlier but I got sick OTL  
> Anyway, I don't actually like this fic as much as I did when I first wrote it and I'm kinda upset about that ._____. I guess two years can change a lot hahaha  
> Hopefully it was at least somewhat enjoyable regardless? ;3;


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